Work/Life/Family Balance

[[JT]]

So there's a reoccuring theme i've been seeing in these threads. That some of you have forfeited on your goals and attributed this lack of progress to either being pwned by your kids or pwned by your wife.

Are there solutions to living a well balanced lifestyle? Can you really have one but not the other? Maybe it is possible and it all boils down to motivation?

Serious answers please, this is concerning because some of us will be in this position in the future!

[jeSteR]

[se7entse7en]

Being foreveralone I don't know if I feel qualified to answer this but I'm gonna throw in my 2cents anyway.

It comes down to priorities. Finding what's important to you and filling your life with those things first. I think in most cases we all can find time to do the things that matter to us as long as we don't let the clutter of life get in the way. Internet, tv, ebay, xbox/ps3, toys, whatever, are all serious time wasters.

That said, even Grand had to give up most of (if not all of) his training after the birth of his second. He only just recently resumed training.

The support of your significant other in your goals would also be necessary just as theirs depends on your support.

[nature boy]

It's totally possible. Any reason saying that it isn't is an excuse. I too would say that it's about priorities, but I think it's more about organisation and discipline (which I guess comes from priorities). I do think that it's important for downtime, whether that be watching tv, surfing the net or whatever, but if you can give yourself just the right amount of downtime, you'll find that you have MORE energy to do the other things you need/want to do.

Having said that, you'll have to decide how much downtime is enough.

[supersuk]

NAP TIME has priority.

priorities change here and there....... Don't think about it too much and just go do it. You'll have to organize your schedule a bit but its not that bad.

Cut out games and TV and suddenly you have alot more time to do other stuff. You'll end up spending more money too. Time is money and money is also time also.

You live at home still, enjoy it while you can. I spend maybe 1-2 hours on my PS3 and 1-2 hours watching TV a week. Still have time to go party, work out, play poker, play hockey, play girls, see Hayden, hang out with friends, do laundry, clean up the place, etc etc etc. Just alot less nap times.

I plan on being healthy well into my 40's but people tell me its different after you get kids.. /shrug

[Wetundies]

Life is just like this:

[joel]

I don't have kids. So I assume that it will greatly affect the balance of a lot of priorities in life. But i don't plan on it turning into me a slouch either.

I think it helps to be able to group up activities together to increase time efficiency.

Take for example hockey, I can look at it as both (down/relaxing time, while still getting some physical activity, hanging with friends)
Or going on runs with the wife (Quality time for us, and still exercise)
Eating dinner in front of the tv (quality time, food consumption, and downtime)

And i start taking out the things that only accomplish one goal, like video games by myself. (just entertainment for me).

I dunno if you ever played the SIMS before but it's a lot like trying to maintain all the green bars for your character. Some activities increase several bars, some only do just the one.

I hope when i have kids that I will be able to find active things to do with them too.

[nature boy]

there are lots of exercise websites that help you be active with your kid.
like, literally WITH your kid. your child becomes the weight that you push haha. it's true. look it up.

[Duncan]

i don't think you sacrifice a whole lot when you have a wife. It's moreso when you have kid(s). You can still do a ton of stuff if it's just you and your lady as long as she's not a psycho bizatch who has trust, control, emotional, and possibly mental issues. If that's the case, then good luck.

I have 2 kids now and let me say the only "free" time i have is the time between hayden goes to bed and when i have to go to bed. Usually a time between 9:30-12:00...

My weekdays usually look like this.
7:30 wake up, get ready for work
8:15 Hayden wakes up, get her brushed, dressed, fed and ready for preschool
9:00 leave to drop hayden off at preschool
9:15 leave hayden's preschool to go to work
12:00 leave work to pick up hayden from preschool and have lunch at home
5:30 get home from work and look after one of the girls so alicia can take a break
6:30 have dinner
7:00 hang out and play with hayden or ellie
8:00 give hayden a bath
8:30 sit with hayden watching tv while she has her milk and down time
9:00 help hayden get ready for bed (potty/brush teeth)
9:15 Hayden goes to bed
9:30 take a shower
10:00-12:00 Watch a little bit of TV, maybe feed ellie the bottle, every other day we bathe ellie, and maybe anything else i need to catch up on
Repeat

also throw in there every so often feed and change ellie's diaper. And i'm pretty lucky to live close to work so that saves me a ton of time during the day. I drive for 5 minutes each way while some people drive for upwards of almost an hour

Free time these days is more like "organized and agreed upon free time". Like if i want to play hockey, alicia's cool with that. She's more than capable of watching 2 kids for a couple hours. We understand that we have hobbies so we're pretty lax about each others' sports. She goes to field hockey. Don't confuse "free" time with spontaneity, and do whatever you want, whenever you want. And often times if you want to do something, it might just cut into the amount of hrs of sleep you get. Weekends are also a smattering of events to keep the kids occupied. But if i wanted to go golf or do something else, alicia's willing to watch the kids for a few hrs and i'd be willing to do the same for her. It's really just a matter of being a tag team. Sometimes you have to divide to conquer.

If you're looking achieve your goals, it's more than doable with a family. However, the only diff is that goals often change when you have a family. I agree with Nathan, down time is important and i find i have more energy when i get down time.

My exercise goals are still there, but it's just that other goals have supplanted those goals and take a higher priority. Like raising two Godly girls. Getting them to school on time. Potty training, and other stuff.

I think it really does boil down to motivation. If i really were motivated, i'd just cut down on the hrs of sleep i get a day to work out or exercise.

Mind you, the first 5 years are probably the busiest for a parent. Until your kid goes into full time school, you're there for them at every milestone and event of their life. When they turn 3 or 4, they can start attending things w/o your supervision too. Hayden just started preschool and soccer. We're gonna enroll her in skating and maybe even floor hockey next year. We just took her to soccer last night at bonsor and for 30 min, she played soccer with her teachers and other kids. If i wanted to, i could possibly work out for the 30 minutes she's playing soccer for.

Living a "balanced" lifestyle is really up to you depending on what you mean by balanced. My idea of balanced is raising my kids properly, not growing apart from my wife, finding time for God, and looking after my own personal interests. It's hard to find balance, and even if/when you do, there's always something that comes up and throws that balance off and you have to find it again. Just gotta remember what's important to you.

I know we joke a lot about our wives/family on the forumz, but imo, i think everyone who has a family on this board is doing a good job balancing personal needs/interests with family life.

Nathan has his forumz addiction, and he does the stationary cycle
Jai still plays hockey and has some time to work out
Dave has time to collect toys and facilitate his hoarding
Gordon has time to serve at church and pw
Joel has time to play hockey and work out and jog with Joyce
and once things settle down a bit more for me, i'll be back at hockey as well.

Not to mention we all play poker and somehow have time to catch our favourite tv shows weekly.

There are tons of things you can trim off if you are serious about your goals. It's just that you have to manage your time better. Everything has to be scheduled.

wow, that was a long post

[tiger]

It's largely time management and priorities.

It does get busier when you move out on your own because you have to do more stuff yourself instead of letting your mom do it for you.

Married life gets slightly busier b/c now you have twice the family obligations. 2 Christmas dinners, 2 Thanksgiving dinners, 2 mother's b-day, etc. So some long weekends get cut short.

It is nice when you're DINK (Dual income, no kids). Probably the most freedom to travel, stay up late, do what you want, etc. Freedom and money.

Work gets busier as you're trying to move up the corporate ladder. OT, management, continuing education, etc.

Having kids changes your schedule completely b/c it's not your schedule anymore.

Having a mortgage is a pretty heavy burden. Save up every penny for a down payment. Only if it's your dream to own your own place or raise your kids in a house. Good luck with this one, I feel for you guys.

Try, try, try not to dump your 1st year of savings/earning into a new car/expensive old one. Bad investment.

In the end, work will always be there, family/good friends should be a top priority, and you don't have anything if you don't have your health.

Asked the controller at the lumberyard what he thought was overrated in life. He said chasing after the fortune.

[tiger]

one more thing, if you want to start your own business, you'll definately need good time management. And be prepared to give up a lot of leisure time.

[nature boy]

err... i think jt was talking about exercise.

[Wetundies]

For his brain.